Goliath

There I stood,

Before me was a wall, so high it was,

Cemented so great were my fears,

Nine feet tall! Weighing 125 pounds on my shoulders,

It was here I understood the Israelites,

This wall was named “fear”.

This was my Goliath.

This threshold rendered me weak and desolate.

I knew it had to be conquered. 

As of then, I was oblivious of a way.

How. I wondered.

…

I staggered and fell,

Bruised by the sharp edges of the stones beneath me,

Weakened by the make-believe stories I told myself to believe.

“I don't need anybody, I only have me”.

I lied.

I walked aimlessly as an empty shell.

This void I felt crippin and deepened,

I screamed, gasping to be filled.

 I entertained anger, lies, sadness and depression at my table.

I wailed and cursed; “I've had enough, everything sucks, and I can never be good enough!”

I had forgotten that even in my flaws his ways were perfected.

I believed in a mirage where I was forgotten.

Melted sugar lies burning on my tongue.

Fiery and sweet like the Sun.

…

The people who I thought saw me do not even know me, 

They left me on display to enjoy the circus.

Where I painted my face black, handcuffed by the shame.

“Who can fight me?!”

My fears banged louder.

Beckoning me to accept defeat,

Telling me to fall to my knees, rendering me helpless in the Alps,

The people mock this fallen Tree.

“She used to be a steady worshiper,” they said. “Now, where is your God”, they snicker.

Will I accept defeat?

Will I forsake the might of Yahweh's Army?

So then what is Psalms 91 to me?

Mere poetry? No.

Mere words by David? Of course not.

This is my answer.

This is how we win!

For he who dwells in the secret place of the most high, of El-Shaddai, shall be hidden under his great wings,

A thousand may fall, even ten thousand at the right,

But you will stand gallant, unshaken,

Because the lord is our refuge and fortress,

What is that Goliath before us?!

It shall be made plain.

…

I stand in turn,

Face to face with my fears,

Not alone or confused,

Fully backed by God.

So do not look down on me,

My God will redeem me.

Micah 7:10.

In time the Lord will show off his glory.

Then I will speak to my fears, “Where is your boast?”

In silence will they reply, for the direction of the wind has changed.

Amen.

~ Do not be afraid… He is still God over it all~